Beyond the Force
by Jacen200015
Summary: Set during ROTS after Anakin kills the separtists and just before Padme's ship lands. A war is going on for Anakin's soul and Anakin's cries are heard from something bigger than the Force. Will he listen?
1. Chapter 1

**Part 1**

Small, wet, glistening in the dying light as it falls. More fall after the first, down a smooth soft surface. A drop, wet and salty when tasted. A drop that says so much. A drop that holds emotions. Emotions being released. Drops of joy, drops of sadness, drops of pain, drops of happiness. Teardrops.

Who mourns for the fallen, those who have done evil? Who mourns for those lost in the darkness?

War. A terrible evil. War steals away souls. War destroys, steals, tortures, causes pain and suffering. War changes people, it wears people down, strips them until their souls are bare.

Who mourns for the fallen, those who have done evil? Who mourns for those lost in the darkness? Who mourns for innocence lost?

Is there no escape from violence? From pain and suffering? In a perfect world, in a perfect galaxy, yes. Alas, we are far from perfect. Darkness is in each one of us. The potential to hurt and destroy. Darkness is a cruel mistress. Things of the darkness are immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, hate, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, and carousing.

Yet, along with the darkness is light, the potential for good. The light consists of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Violence is not only seen and experienced in war, but also in what we watch. Our thoughts and dreams are also impure.

Who mourns for the fallen, those who have done evil? Who mourns for those lost in the darkness? Who mourns for innocence lost?

Violence is hot, burning, scorching. Violence strips away at a person, leaving them naked, burned, and alone. Darkness is choking, a huge empty void.

Evil can't be truly vanquished, not by imperfect creatures. In young and old, the potential for darkness is there.

Oh my soul, my soul. Who or what can bring me out of the darkness that has consumed my soul? A deal struck with the devil, only to be bound in chains of misery. Consumed by darkness. Doomed to eternal suffering. Innocence lost so early.

The cries echo through the night. Cries of the dying, cries of the suffering, cries for the loss of freedom. Terror in the night. An unavoidable nightmare has the galaxy in its chilly grip.

Who mourns for the fallen, those who have done evil? Who mourns for those lost in the darkness? Who mourns for innocence lost?

Trapped. Doomed. Lost in the darkness. The cries of the young and old still echo through the night. Haunting cries. Cries of the dead. Cries of the living.

Is there no escape from darkness? Is there no one to rescue us? To save us from the darkness? Is there no hope? Who can forgive what has been done?

_I mourn for the fallen. I mourn for those lost in darkness. I mourn for innocence lost. I hear the cries. I see the darkness, the evil in the galaxy. I see all. I know all. __Who created the galaxy? Who formed you in your mother's womb? Who knew you before you were born? Do you not know me? Do you only know the Force?_

"What is bigger than the Force? What is beyond the Force? I do not know you."

_Thousands of years ago, the teachings of the Jedi became distorted. The Jedi fell away from the true path. The law that was given to them was changed again and again until it became the Jedi code that you know. Many parts of the past of the Jedi had been forgotten._

"Why now do you speak? After so much destruction, suffering, and tears. Why now do you speak? When the galaxy has fallen into darkness, has fallen into the grip of evil."

_I have not been silent. My voice has been heard. Few have accepted the truth. Qui-Gon Jinn heard me and listened and walked the true path. Obi-Wan Kenobi hears me, but has yet to return to the true path that he once was on. Your mother, Shmi, heard me and walked the true path._

"I do not understand. You're not the Force?"

_The Force is a gift of power to be used to do justice. Power to move things, power of quickness and flexibility. Power to see far away things. However, the gift has limits, for one cannot see the far future, no matter how real it might look. I am the comforting presence. I am the voice that whispers in your ear. I am the one who gives you the gift._

"If what you say is true, then how come the inhibitors that suppress the Force do so? What about the creatures that can block the Force?"

_Fear. Belief in false stories. The Force is not taken away, but one mentally draws away from it. How do you explain stories about Jedi who have been able to use the Force with an inhibitor still around their necks?_

"If you are the voice that whispers then are we listening to you?"

_The Force gives one the ability to hear nonliving things. Almost like listening to a person's mental thoughts, one is listening to the plants, air, water, planets, and many other things. The Jedi hear and follow these voices instead of my own._

"If the Force is a gift as you say, then why do the Sith still have it when they don't do justice?"

_Everyone has the gift, but only few know or use it. The amount of midicholrians determines how much of the gift can be used. Without the midichlorians, your bodies would not be able to handle the gift. Everyone has free will, I allow everyone to make their own choices. If I were to stop everything that I didn't like or is offensive to me, I would be taking away the free will I have allowed everyone to have._

Anakin's frown deepened as he stood in the middle of the bridge that was over a lava flow. Was he heading toward insanity? Or was this voice in his head for real?

"Why can I hear you now? Why are you even talking to me?"

_I heard your cries and you didn't shut out my voice. I can help you, Anakin, if you will let me._

"Help me?" Anakin laughed bitterly. "I sold my soul to the darkside and now many have died because of it."

_You have not gone beyond redemption, Anakin. True, you have the blood of innocents on your hands, but I can wash away your sins. All you have to do is repent of your sins and accept me into your heart. Come back to the light._

Anakin shook his head. "I can't. I did all this to save Padme. The darkside can save her."

_How can you save her by using your anger, your hate? The gift you have is still the same, but how you use it makes it light or dark._

Anakin carefully considered this and realized that it made sense. "But then how do I save her. I don't want to lose her, I can't lose her.

_All things die, Anakin. Be careful in how you interpret your visions, the future is always in motion. Your actions can very well lead to what you fear._

Out of the corner of his eye, Anakin saw Padme's ship coming in for a landing at the landing pad. Anakin turned and headed for the landing pad.

_Listen to your wife, Anakin. She wants to help you just like you want to help her by saving her. Listen to her._

Anakin ignored the voice and a few minutes later he reached the landing pad.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

No tears left. The hot air dries the tears. A face an emotional mask. Yet a war rages behind the face. No tears left. Every step is like a dream. He's not there, not there.

How can the fallen be saved, those who have done evil? How can those lost in the darkness be saved? Who would save those who have done evil and are no longer innocent?

Cold hands grasp at his soul. Silky smooth words whisper in his mind. Demons wrap their arms around his neck, threatening to choke him. Demons surround him, try to drag him down with their words.

Each step is painful. With each step he remembers. The horrified faces of the children. The disbelief on Mace Windu's face. The dream of Padme dying. His mother's death. Jabiim. The whole war. His anger. Darra's death. The slaughter of the Tuskens. Destruction on worlds. Suffering. Being held back from his potential. Fear. Dooku's execution.

How can the fallen be saved, those who have done evil? How can those lost in the darkness be saved? Who would save those who have done evil and are no longer innocent?

He stops walking. He feels cold. Tired. His eyes watch as Padme walks down the ramp. Yoda's words ring through his mind. "Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will." No hope. No hope. No hope. So what if it's the way that one uses the Force that makes it good or bad. That does not change anything. No one would forgive him. No hope. No hope. No hope.

"Padme, I saw your ship . . ." Anakin said as he embraced Padme, his heart lifting a little. Yet everything still feels unreal, except for the demons.

"Oh, Anakin!" Padme exclaims, holding him close, tears coming to her eyes.

"It's all right, you're safe now. What are you doing out here?" No, nothing was all right. It was all wrong. Numb, he felt numb. He can feel the demons all around him. Can feel their hot, sickly breath on his skin. They whisper and sneer at him. Telling him that he is worthless. That Padme will betray him. That there is no hope for him. No hope.

"I was so worried about you. Obi-Wan told me terrible things." Padme continued, looking into Anakin's eyes and freezing at what she saw there.

"What things?" He saw into her eyes and suddenly he wanted to be far away, far away from her.

"He said you have turned to the dark side . . . that you killed younglings." Her voice was slow as the fear that she had pushed aside earlier returned.

"Obi-Wan is trying to turn you against me." Anakin responded without thinking. Guilt worming through his gut. He wanted her to still see him as he was, not what he became. If she did she would despise him. She would leave. He couldn't lose her.

"He cares about us." Padme replied. Determined to do all she could to save him.

"Us??!" No, no, no. He feels like his throat is being squeezed.

"He knows . . . He wants to help you."

"Is Obi-Wan going to protect you? He can't ... he can't help you. He's not strong enough." He can't help me. There is no hope. No hope.

"Anakin, all I want is your love."

"Love won't save you, Padme. Only my new powers can do that." No, not even that. All I did was for nothing. I lie. She can't know that I've failed miserably.

"At what cost? You are a good person. Don't do this."

"I won't lose you the way I lost my mother! I've become more powerful than any Jedi has ever dreamed of and I've done it for you. To protect you." No, I have damned myself.

"Come away with me. Help me raise our child. Leave everything else behind while we still can."

"Don't you see, we don't have to run away anymore. I have brought peace to the Republic. I am more powerful than the Chancellor. I can overthrow him, and together you and I can rule the galaxy. Make things the way we want them to be." More lies. How can I leave behind what I did? How can I help raise our child when I have killed younglings? No.

"I don't believe what I'm hearing . . . Obi-Wan was right. You've changed."

"I don't want to hear any more about Obi-Wan. The Jedi turned against me. Don't you turn against me." Don't hate me. Obi-Wan already hates me.

"I don't know you anymore. Anakin, you're breaking my heart. I'll never stop loving you, but you are going down a path I can't follow."

"Because of Obi-Wan? You're right you don't know me. The person you loved died in the Temple with the other Jedi."

"Because of what you've done . . . what you plan to do. Stop, stop now. Come back! I love you."

Out of the corner of his eye, Anakin sees Obi-Wan in the doorway of the Naboo Cruiser. "Liar!" The words are out without a thought. Panic fills him and despair. How can she still love him. Did he want her to still love him. No, she knows what happened at the Temple, she doesn't love me.

"No!"

"You're with him. You've betrayed me! You brought him here to kill me!" Tell me the truth. You hate me. You don't love me anymore. There's no hope for me. No hope.

"NO! Anakin. I swear ... I ..."

Why doesn't she just go ahead and say it? Demons leap on my shoulder and pulls my arm up, cackling with glee. This would make her say the truth. Reaching into the Force, he begins to choke Padme.

"Let her go, Anakin."

Anakin released her, briefly looked at Obi-Wan, and then he ran away from the ship, choking on sobs as he ran.

How can the fallen be saved, those who have done evil? How can those lost in the darkness be saved? Who would save those who have done evil and are no longer innocent?

The hot air sears his face as he runs. His eyes burn from lack of tears. He stumbles on top of a small hill and falls. He rolls down the hill and lands in the black sand. He sensed Obi-Wan approach, still some distance away. He tries to move, but his arms and legs feel like rubber. So tired. So tired. Out of the corner of his eye he sees a lava flow and slowly he manages to move towards it.

He sits up and stares into the lava flow. Hot, slow moving, a painful way to die. Taking his lightsaber from his belt, he stares at it. Contemplating. So many had suffered because of him. He failed so many. He had fallen.

What did death hold? Peace? Torment? Nothingness? Laying his lightsaber on the ground, Anakin moves closer to the lava. No hope. No hope.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3 **

Strong arms surround Anakin tightly and pull him away from the edge of the lava. Anakin struggles against the grip, kicking his legs on the hot, coarse ground, his arms flailing.

"Anakin, stop. Let me help you."

The familiar sound of his former Master's voice adds to Anakin's anguish as he continues his struggle. How could anyone help him now? Why would anyone want to help him? He struggles harder and manages to his Obi-Wan in the face. Obi-Wan's grip loosens and Anakin breaks free and falls onto the ground. He scrambles onto his hands and knees and attempts to stand up.

He walks on unsteady legs to the rushing lava, determined to reach it. Sweat drips into his eyes, stinging them. Something hard hits him in the back of the head and he crumples to the ground. As the blackness overtakes him, he vaguely feels himself being lifted and dragged and then nothing.

How can the fallen be saved, those who have done evil? How can those lost in the darkness be saved? Who would save those who have done evil and are no longer innocent?

As consciousness returned, Anakin felt a cold wet cloth running over his forehead and his cheeks as his face was carefully, gently, washed. Anakin opened his eyes and saw Obi-Wan's face, grayish blue eyes that looked tired and sad on a stoic face. Anakin turned over, away from Obi-Wan. Why was he helping him? A murderer, a traitor. "Why?" He asks in a whisper. A calloused hand brushes the hair that had fallen into his eyes away from his face.

"You are my brother, Anakin. I can't abandon you to the darkness, I won't."

"It's to late for me." Even as he said that he felt a small thread of hope, could feel Obi-Wan surround him with love, surround him with light like a warm blanket.

"That's not true. You can still turn away from the destructive path."

Anakin did not answer and instead closed his eyes, wanting Obi-Wan to just leave him alone. Then a few minutes later he got his wish and Obi-Wan left the room and with him the warmth of his presence.

The demons returned to prodding him with pointed hot iron bars, mocking him, and spitting at him. Anakin covered his ears with his hands, trying in vain to block the voices.

A choked sob escaped his throat and he felt the darkness pressing in on him, intent on fully devouring him. He thrashed about on the cot as the darkness chocked him with memories of his dark deeds. The faces of shocked horror of those he had slain, young and old, human and nonhuman. His failure to protect the innocent, his failure in saving his wife.

Alone, he was all alone now with only the darkness as his companion.

_You are not alone, for I am with you._

"How can you be, why would you be?"

_My love is an agape love, a love that is neverending, a love that is pure._

"If you love so much then tell me how I can save my wife!"

_Most visions are only possible outcomes based on future choices._

Anakin waited for more but the voice remained silent. Anger and frustration rushed through Anakin and he threw his pillow across the room. He spotted a glass of water by his bedside and remembered his parched throat. He took the water and drank it all before setting it back down.

Getting up he left the room and aimlessly wandered the ship until he came to the cockpit. There he came upon a surprising sight, one that disturbed him. Obi-Wan Kenobi, a calm and composed man in the face of hardship was bent over in the pilot's seat crying.

Anakin's heart twisted, but he couldn't seem to make himself move. The cockpit was filled with such sorrow and anguish. Violently shaking his head, Anakin backpedaled out of the cockpit and ran through the ship's corridors back toward the room he had been in.

He entered a room and stopped in his tracks when he realized it was the wrong room. Inside laid his wife peacefully sleeping on a cot. His feet seemed to move of their own accord until he was by her side. He knelt beside the cot and with a trembling hand stroked her cheek. He could sense her presence, weak and tired.

He searched for the baby's presence and found it lively. Every couple of seconds he could spot a faint kick as a small portion of Padme's round stomach rose up and then back down.

He laid his hand gently on Padme's round belly and soothed the child with the Force, then, that was when he noticed it, a second presence hiding behind the first and more active than the first. Anakin attempted to sooth the second child, but his efforts only intensified the child's movements.

_Your son can sense the turmoil and darkness in the galaxy, that is why he is so restless. Your daughter attempts to shield him from it all, but she is untrained and merely blocks his presence. With the combined stress of the Senate, the war, the restlessness of your unborn son, and worry over you, her health has not been good for many months._

"Oh…I didn't realize…"

Anakin attempted instead to shield his son from the things outside of the womb, but only agitated the child more as he felt the darkness that permeated Anakin's presence.

The rejection of his help tore at Anakin and then he openly wept.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 4**

Dirt. Grime. Mud splattered, blood splattered. Filth. Blemishes. Scars. Open wounds. Wounds of the body, wounds of the mind, wounds of the heart, and wounds of the soul. What good is a healed body if the mind and soul and heart still have open wounds? How can a person function in such conditions? Better a wounded body than a wounded soul.

Such a person who is wounded mind, heart, and soul falls deep into an abyss. Fear, irritability, depression, anger, confusion, hate, rage sets in, buries itself deep, grows in a messy tangle.

How can the fallen be saved, those who have done evil? How can those lost in the darkness be saved? Who would save those who have done evil and are no longer innocent?

Foggy blue eyes gaze up at a white washed ceiling, the cot creaks underneath him as he shifts underneath a thin white sheet. Looking around he realizes he is no longer aboard the ship but in some kind of medical center. An icy cold knot forms inside him, fear for his wife and unborn children.

Leaving the room, clad in a hospital gown, he follows Padme's life Force signature, which grows fainter with every passing minute. He enters an unused observation room and looks into an operation room. He senses Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Bail Organa in an observation room on the opposite side of the operating room and enhancing his hearing with the Force, he hears the beginning of a report.

"Medically, she is completely healthy. For reasons we can't explain, we are losing her." She's exhausted and stressed, that can't be medically healthy! Anakin thought in response.

"She's dying?"

"We don't know why. She has lost the will to live. We need to operate quickly if we are to save the babies." Stupid droids, who programmed you?! Lost the will to live indeed! She is suffering from exhaustion and emotional stress you bucket of bolts!

"Babies??!!" Yes, twins.

"She's carrying twins."

"Save them, we must. They are our last hope." Last hope for what?

Anakin stopped listening then and ran his hands through his messy blonde hair. He looked down at Padme, his beautiful wife, his angel, in the operating room, lying on a cot with medical droids around her.

Distress. So much distress. The war, the Senate, the destruction of democracy, rise of a dictatorship, loss of liberty, the death of Jedi, hiding a pregnancy, threat of discovery, a husband in war, a husband falling and entering into darkness, betrayal, heartache, pain, so much pain.

Anakin pressed his forehead against the cool window and choked on a sob. He had caused so much pain, had added to her burden. "Please…please don't let her die." His legs give out from under him and he crumbles to the floor. He can hear voices from within the operating room.

"Don't give up, Padme." Listen to Obi-Wan, Padme, listen to him.

"It's a boy." My son.

"Luke . . ."

"... and a girl." My daughter.

". . . Leia."

"You have twins, Padme. They need you . . . hang on." Please Padme, hold on. Please. Listen to him.

"I can't . . ." Yes you can!

"Save your energy." Listen! Please!

"Obi-Wan . . . there . . . is good in him. I know there is ... still . . ."

A strangled cry escapes Anakin's throat as he senses Padme's presence fade away. "No, Padme!" He ran from the observation room and burst into operating room. Only one being in the room matters, everything else falls to the background, even the wail of one of the twins.

No breath, no movement of the chest, no heartbeat. Skin growing cold, clammy to the touch. Face pale like the white gown she wore. Lifeless. Gone.

Tears run down already red and puffy eyes, landing on the still body. "Please, Padme, you have to come back. I need you. The twins need you." Anakin buried his face in her chest.

Gone. No more. Now only a shell. Death. Another death by his actions. Another innocent lost. Another failure to add to his list. Failures on so many levels to many to count, to many to list.

A gentle hand touches his shoulder, but Anakin jerks his shoulder away from the touch. A newborn's wail pierces through the sobs, but Anakin ignores it. Anakin lays a gentle kiss on Padme's lips and then walks away, totally oblivious to everything else around him, as if he were in a trance.

Somehow he made it back to the room he had woken up in and he climbs onto the cot, blankly staring up at the ceiling. How long he was like this he did not know, nor did he even care. Why should he care? It was pointless.

The door slid open and the sound of footsteps approached, slowly, cautiously. "Anakin?"

Anakin did not move a muscle, his eyes remaining fixed on the ceiling. Lost in his despair, in his guilt, in his nightmare, in his revulsion.

"Anakin." A pause and the footsteps stopped. The edge of the cot bent as the person sat down. "I'm sorry." A long pause and then, "I know that saying sorry doesn't make everything better but – "

"No, it doesn't." Anakin's voice cracked and he swallowed hard, his gaze remaining fixed on the ceiling.

"Let us help you. Your children need you."

"No." Anakin closed his eyes. "No they don't. They need to be hidden separately, away from the Emperor. I would only be a danger to them, I can't take care of them."

A hand rested upon Anakin's shoulder. "Is that really what you want?"

Haunting images flood his mind, he could smell burning flesh, hear the screams of the dying, feel the pain in the Force. The faces of those he slaughtered drifted by in his mind's eye, eyes wide open in horror, eyes that held shock, disbelief, confusion. His stomach soured, a burning sensation crept up his throat.

Death, so much death. It was wasteful, useless, without logic. Even before the slaughter, there was so much wasteful death. Wasted in fighting for the wrong side, wasted in allying with an enemy of the republic. Deceived, taken advantage of, tricked into helping destroy the republic, destroy democracy.

Death was barred from him, only taking away those he loved. Why? Why this torture? Where could he turn to save those who remain? To whom could he turn? Tears leaked from his eyes, salty tears. A gentle finger brushed them away.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry its been awhile. Let me know what you think. **

* * *

**Part 5**

Pain, endless pain. Suffering. Agony. A feeling of having been chewed up and spat out. A feeling of a heavy weight bearing down on oneself. Tiredness but no real rest. The terror remains, it's a constant. How can one find comfort in all of this? Who can free one from the shackles that bind them?

Sinking down into the bottomless ocean of despair, an ocean of pain, an ocean of guilt. Guilt for many things, to many things. Shame, so much shame. What honor is there in sin? None. Nothing but shame. Foolish, so foolish, so arrogant.

Empty, shattered, alone. Now alone with demons. Demons, dancing demons. The dragon. The demons mock, sneer, ridicule. The demons lie through their devilish smiles. Are they really lies? Yes, darkness deceives.

Anakin opens his eyes to find that he is the only one in the room. He turns onto his stomach and touches his forehead to his arms, one hard and one soft. "Why? Why couldn't she be saved?"

_Come._

Anakin blinks, but remains where he is. "Why couldn't you save her?"

_Come._

A breeze without a source rushes past him, toward the door. Defeated, Anakin follows the breeze out of the room and he is gently guided by a cushion of air around him.

What was the point? He had nothing. What was there for him but the things destroyed by his hand? What could fill the emptiness?

His footsteps were deafening as he walked the white washed corridor; each step like the beat of a drum. His throat tightened, tears blurred his vision as faces filled his vision of those he had slaughtered. Faces full of fear, determination, sorrow, betrayal, shock, horror. Young and old, strong and weak, human and non human; all those who had died.

He dropped to his knees, the burden to great. Pointless. Pointless. Pointless. One decision in the throes of fear and anger, one decision born of rash thoughts, one decision based on selfishness, and it was gone, all of it, gone. Gone. Gone. Gone.

A door slides open to his left where he had fallen to his knees and a baby's whimper wafts out of the room. Wet blue eyes turn to the open doorway and slowly Anakin rises to his feet. He tentatively steps into the room where a nanny droid is attempting to soothe an infant.

The next few seconds are a blur and Anakin finds himself holding the child. The child lay quietly in his arms, light, soft, warm, and at peace in his arms. Arms that could be gentle, loving, and caring. Arms that boasted of strength and power. Arms that allowed a lightsaber to be swung. Arms that could crush, maim, and destroy.

How could someone so innocent be created by a monster like him? He held the infant close to him, finding a small amount of comfort in the child's presence but at the same time the demons whispered in his ears, reminding of how dirty his hands were, how his hands were bloody from all the lives he had ended, and how he wasn't fit to hold and innocent in his arms.

A sob broke from his throat and he handed the child back to the nanny droid. He quickly vacated the premises and backtracked back to his room. His room. A cell. A cage to trap his vicious self. He locked himself into the room and threw himself onto the bed.

How can the fallen be saved, those who have done evil? How can those lost in the darkness be saved? Who would save those who have done evil and are no longer innocent?

Was he ever innocent? Is anyone ever truly innocent?

"I never should have been given these powers." Anakin moaned.

_The tongue has the power to build up or destroy. The Force as the Jedi call it is an extension of the body, an enhancement. Power or none, what matters is your heart._

Anger simmered within Anakin, frustration threatened to consume him. "Then take away my speech too, my sight, and my ability to touch! Why should I even continue on?"

Anakin felt a light, feathery touch on his forehead and he felt the Force leave him, could no longer feel the power flowing through his veins, could no longer hear loose subconscious thoughts float through the corridors. Next his sense of touch left him, he could feel no pain as he pinched at his skin. Next his sight began to blur till he could see nothing.

He heard pounding on the door and then heard a loud thud and the door hit the wall. Footsteps stampeded into the room.

"He's alive!" One person said.

"Anakin! I can't sense you in the Force, what's wrong?" Obi-Wan asked.

Anakin opened his mouth to speak but not a sound came out.


End file.
